Monday, September 11, 2006
Listening: Welcome to The Black Parade; My Chemical Romance.
Recently, i read an article on Life! and it really got me started. On Fears, that is. Couple of weeks ago i remember i was scared. No, more worried than scared. Clubbing, drinking, dancing, learning, growing up, listening, and basically just living; I didn't want to live.
I was under Anti-Vice for years(no pun intended) and suddenly this, new-found freedom is scaring me. Its ironic that i'm happy but scared, both at the same time. Happy because i like the way things are now, i quite hated it when i was under Anti-Vice. But scared because i don't know where to go from here. Or maybe, i KNOW where to go but i don't know how things will turn out. Come to think of it, it's really scary, isn't it?
But this one person whom, almost the whole of Singapore mocked for the past 25 years was able to live it through and come away from it all, still sane and indifferent about the way people look at her. People have been rude and insensitive about her gender, when i read the article and found out about how people go up to her and question her with things like "Are you a man, or a woman?" I felt ashamed. Mainly because i once had the same thoughts.
Abigail Chay, or previously known as Caeser Chay, went through a sex operation when she was 22years old. She was a girl trapped in a boy's physique. Scientifically, the term "Gender Anomaly" would describe her situation.
She's been through numerous heartbreaks and what's left is just a frozen hope that someday, she will meet the "real" man who'd give her true love. Her undying pursuit for that "real" man, demands respect from me. I deeply respect her for that.
Her strength in life, no matter how many heartbreaks, failures and mistakes she's made, or been through, she manages to come away with an attitude that says "lesson learnt, just don't do it again, at least try not to." How many people can survive all that she's been through and still maintain that mindset? I'd say, really little.
Which brings me to my next point; We're all weak.
Mentally, emotionally and visually. We never admit that we're weak, but its true that we are. Like its "Human nature to greed", its "Human nature to be weak". Strong people like Abigail and some others whom i am oblivious to, are developed through a series of events, unfortunate ones. People need to grow up, its not an overnight affair and it is definitely not an easy thing.
Okay that's all for now. I'm drained, too drained to put all my thoughts into words. So until i get philosophical again,we're all weak.
nik homebound died at